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It is hard to believe her elementary years have come to a close. As I look back on these years, I am so grateful for all of the time we have spent together. Four years ago, we decided to homeschool; making the decision to take it a year at a time. I was scared to head out on this new journey alone, but I clearly see that I have never been alone. God has provided every single step of the way.
There are definitely days when I question myself. Days that are challenging and exhausting. Yet, I truly believe that some of the most rewarding things in life take hard work, perseverance, and complete surrender to God.
As parents we all must make choices for our children and no choice will ever be completely perfect. There are things we sacrifice no matter what direction we chose. Each family and each child is so unique. For us, this lifestyle decision has been such a blessing.
There are new adventures ahead as we will have a 6th grader, 3rd grader, and Kindergartner in the Fall. I feel blessed to have these days with our children, watching their hearts as well as their academics grow. We will continue to take one year at time, seeking His plan for us always. Today, I rejoice in another year of schooling together and look forward to the summer months ahead.
This will be our fourth Christmas in Florida since moving home from North Carolina in 2011. This time of year, I often miss the first snow of the season, Christmas tree farms with fresh trees, daily fires in the living room, and friends who lingered in the yard visiting while our kids played. Truthfully, there is a lot I still miss about the life we left behind.
This weekend we spent the day at a community wide event for our small hometown. We visited with friends from our childhood in 80 degree weather and sunshine. We saw grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins as we walked around the event. We came home and spent time on the lake and dinner surrounded by family. This is December, now in Florida. There is so much to be thankful for. I know that this is right where we need to be and I am grateful for God’s provision.
Perhaps, you are also missing a place or a person during this holiday season. I would love to say there was a magical way to make that pain or void go away. Instead, I urge you to look around where you are, see who you are with, and find the beauty in this season of your life. It isn't always easy, but it can totally change your perspective. It can totally change your life.
(On a side note, if you look closely, you will see our daughter is almost in tears in this picture. Yes, this is the reality of this time of year; busy days, not enough sleep, and sometimes extra grumpy children.)
The past few weeks my emotions have been high. Frustrations have gotten the best of me and at times I’ve felt overwhelmed. I am usually a strong and positive person. But, sometimes, I am weak. I call out to God with questions. I want to know He is there.
Sunday, I was listening to the song Reason to Sing by All Sons and Daughters, “I need a reason to sing. I need a reason to sing. I need to know that you're still holding the whole world in your hands. I need a reason to sing.
In the song, singer Leslie Jordan shares this verse, "But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to The Lord because he is good to me." Psalm 13:5-6
She then continues singing, “I will sing, sing, sing to my God, my King for all else fades away. And I will love, love, love with this heart You've made for You've been good always.”
This song was a reminder that He has always been good to me and that His plans are for me. They reminded me to come humbly before Him and give Him my needs.
During difficult times, we often lose sight of His presence; but, He is always with us. Yesterday, I spent time at the lake with baby Sissy. A few minutes after these pictures were taken I was soaked and laughing with you in the water. There was something about that time at the lake that changed my perspective. In those moments together, I could feel His love for me. I could feel His goodness. As I continued to sit at the lake last night, I felt a renewed peace and I remembered why I have a reason to sing.
It rained almost every day last week. One morning we were at the table doing school work, when we noticed it was raining again, only this time the sun was still shining. The three of you headed outside and played in the rain until you were drenched. We got off schedule for the day and wet clothes and towels were all over the floors, but it was such a reminder of how wonderful it can be to let go of expectations.
The more I let go of my expectations of myself, of others, and of our time, the more I experience life in an extraordinary way. I am learning to find the beauty in the imperfect, the unplanned, and the mess. I am realizing that sometimes, school can get done later. I am embracing messes made from little helpers in the kitchen, eagerly wanting to help. I am learning to accept that laundry is never all caught up. Relationships, conversations, and memories are worth it. YOU are worth it.
God continues to show me through these experiences that His plan will always be far greater than any plans I have and that I don’t need these expectations of my life. I simply need Him and love.
You will turn five on Thursday. Every year as your birthday nears, I think back on those early days when you arrived almost 8 weeks early. Those days were filled with moments of darkness for me. With questions of uncertainty. With fear. With my own extreme sickness. Often times, I still get very emotional when I think of this time. There was a hope and light ever present amidst all of the darkness. God gave us every thing we needed. Now, every time I see you, I am reminded fully of the light I needed in those dark hours. I am reminded that our plans may not be His, but how His are so much greater. Sometimes it takes days, months, even years to see it, but it is always true.
This has been the summer of kayaking. You guys love kayak on the lake with your friends and cousins and explore. Baby sissy is patiently waiting her turn to be old enough to kayak by herself. And a portrait of the three of you is wonderful to capture. Real expressions and all.
Abundant joy, laughter, smiles. I want to look back on my days with you and remember these moments fully. Often, as I lay next to you at bedtime, I let my shortcomings fog my memory of the day. Perhaps, I lost my patience, raised my voice, and didn't listen intently. I could go on, but I won’t. You see, I am so good at giving grace to the three of you. I love you with a total unconditional love, yet I forget to love my self this way.
This weekend I read these words from Judah Smith: “Grace points us toward Jesus. It keeps us humble, and it also gives us hope that we can live a good life after all. When we mess up, we don’t get emotionally derailed. We get up and try again because we know Jesus is on our side. He’s not mad at us or even disappointed in us. He’s excited that we are trying and he is there to help us learn and grow.”
I am guessing I am not the only one that has ever “emotionally derailed” when thinking back on the day’s events. As I remind myself, I want to remind others as well; every day is a new day to keep trying. He is using every mistake, trial, and bad day, to allow us to grow closer to Him, if we just let Him. I want to do more than just get up and try again. I want to remember the Joy that only He gives us. That Joy is not circumstantial and is always there to give us strength. And His Mercy is greater than any shortcoming.
This was the day we made a homemade slip n slide. We were all so excited to see how it worked. Sadly, it was a big flop. But you guys had fun in the sprinkler anyway.
I LOVE being together as a family, but I think individual time is important to have with each child. This week we have enjoyed swimming at night--just the two of us. It's been such fun and we've had the opportunity for some wonderful conversations. It has been so special to have this time together and hear what is on your heart. There’s really something magical about these summer nights at the pool.
The local schools started back today. You were all a little sad knowing some of your friends would be off at school all day. 3:00 came and you were ready to play. It felt like 100 degrees, so you created your own backyard water park.
It was another fun filled morning in the sun and water with your cousins.
When I began studying photography, Stacey was one of the first photographers I started to follow. Her work always had something special about it that I admired. Over the years we began talking online through email and social media. Today, we finally met in person. It is such a blessing to see how God really had a hand in our friendship. We are such kindred spirits.
You guys enjoyed her children as well. Dock jumping, kayaking, swimming, tree climbing, soccer, barbies, movies....you had a blast together. My heart is full and I will cherish the memories of today always. As you grow up, never take true friends for granted. God gives us friends to help us through the good and bad times of life. Love and nurture the relationships always.
(You can see more images from our fun play date here)