I’ve shared our story of hope. Of infertility. Of waiting. Praying for this child for many years. A story filled with so much light even through some very dark days. .

There’s more to her story. A part I never want to forget. Almost nine years ago I was pregnant with our third child. I had miscarried before getting pregnant with her. My husband was very busy at that point with his military career. He was called away on several deployments. Leaving us alone for months at a time. .

For most of our married life, we dreamed and talked about having four children, yet at that point our family felt very full. I was doing so much on my own. Our older two children were only 5 and 2 and many days I was overwhelmed. After talking to the doctor and knowing I would be having a third c-section, somewhere in my mind, I decided that during that c-section I would get my tubes tied. Fast forward months later, I suddenly became very ill and I was taken by ambulance to deliver our baby girl almost two months early. My husband and I had never really had the opportunity to discuss the tubal. In fact, we had always had different views on it. He was not in agreement with it; feeling we should leave this decision in God's hands. We didn’t pray and seek God’s discernment on this huge decision together; yet in my desperation, in the haste of all that was going on, in my extreme sickness and emotional state, I signed the papers to have the tubal during the c-section. 

I will never forget the feeling in my stomach, after having the tubal and all the medicine had worn off, the moment I realized what I had done. The loss I felt. The loneliness in that decision and situation.

Years would pass, yet I never fully let go of those regretful feelings. We prayed, giving those feelings to God time and time again. We waited. After many years and many prayers, I had a tubal reversal. Even after the surgery, years would pass as we faced infertility. We finally found peace knowing, no matter what the outcome, we had followed God. We had completely given this prayer to Him. One month after all of our failed infertility treatments, I became pregnant with this sweet girl, who would then be born almost five weeks early on Christmas night. 

Yes, her story is filled with hope, but her story is also one of mercy and redemption. Of God’s amazing grace. His healing and His never ending love. I am reminded to take everything to Him in prayer. To give my life to Him to lead because truly my life is His.

As I look at her, as I love her, I am overwhelmed by the love God has shown us. I realize that we did nothing to deserve this child of ours. I realize that every story doesn't end like this. There is waiting that seems to never end. There is pain that seems unstoppable. There is hope that is lost. It is through Christ and His unyielding, undeserved love, that we can rejoice through every pain and every sorrow. It is through Him that we will find purpose in the waiting. Comfort in the pain. And mercy, for we deserve nothing, yet He continues to love us. As we get closer to the day of her birth, the day we will also celebrate Christ’s birth, I sing these same words, that Mary sang so many years ago: “My soul glorifies the Lord, and my soul rejoices in God my Savior."