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We were walking through the grocery store last week when I told our youngest daughter that she could pick a toy for a treat that she had earned. She picked a Barbie. A few aisles later, she changed her mind; which is pretty common. She began crying and saying she wanted something different. I told her we would not be going back to that aisle until we finished shopping. Her tears escalated. Her voice became loud. Her feet began kicking in the cart. I pulled over, to have as much privacy as I could find at the grocery story, to discipline her. I explained that she would no longer get anything, because of her behavior. She now escalated into a full tantrum. Yes, at 5, our daughter was screaming throughout the grocery store, in true spoiled fashion. Her brother and sister were mortified. On this particular occasion, I couldn't leave our groceries and go home. I had to finish shopping. We proceeded to the checkout line and her screaming continued.
I stood there in complete embarrassment as the cashiers all around us tried to make her feel better, all the while, she continued with her fit. We finally got home and dealt with the issue and we then moved forward; yet, that day still feels fresh in my mind.
As mothers, as parents, we never really have it all together. Our kids certainly don’t have it together at all times. Motherhood is a constant journey of humility and grace. There are times I still strive for some unrealistic appearance. And there are days that I somehow manage to wear that mask well. Sadly, I think we all fall into this performance at some point.
I would love for more of us to truly come together as a tribe of mothers. A transparent tribe that says this is certainly a wonderful journey, but it’s also hard. We can be grateful and love the gift of motherhood, but we can be humble enough to show others that we aren't super mom or super woman. We all have struggles, some more visible, some more hidden from the world. We will have our moments when we shine and times when our kids shine, but this isn't a reality that we can portray 100% of the time. We need to encourage our sisters in motherhood through their triumphs and their trials. Let’s give ourselves permission to take our masks off and show our moments or days of weakness. This doesn't mean we aren't strong, in fact, having the courage to do this requires strength far greater than we often realize.
I want other mothers to look at me and see that I love our children and I am doing the best I can. I will mess up just as much, if not more than our children. I pray God will continue to mold me and my family on this journey. And my vision of success is not having it all together; it’s displaying grace and humility to all those I am around. Through this, I have found a new compassion and admiration for all mothers; for all people.
This image was from the same day we had our grocery store incident. I see her and all I see is our smiling sunshine. Grace; it is something pretty amazing, even on the hardest of days.
We were walking through the grocery store last week when I told our youngest daughter that she could pick a toy for a treat that she had earned. She picked a Barbie. A few aisles later, she changed her mind; which is pretty common. She began crying and saying she wanted something different. I told her we would not be going back to that aisle until we finished shopping. Her tears escalated. Her voice became loud. Her feet began kicking in the cart. I pulled over, to have as much privacy as I could find at the grocery story, to discipline her. I explained that she would no longer get anything, because of her behavior. She now escalated into a full tantrum. Yes, at 5, our daughter was screaming throughout the grocery store, in true spoiled fashion. Her brother and sister were mortified. On this particular occasion, I couldn't leave our groceries and go home. I had to finish shopping. We proceeded to the checkout line and her screaming continued.
I stood there in complete embarrassment as the cashiers all around us tried to make her feel better, all the while, she continued with her fit. We finally got home and dealt with the issue and we then moved forward; yet, that day still feels fresh in my mind.
As mothers, as parents, we never really have it all together. Our kids certainly don’t have it together at all times. Motherhood is a constant journey of humility and grace. There are times I still strive for some unrealistic appearance. And there are days that I somehow manage to wear that mask well. Sadly, I think we all fall into this performance at some point.
I would love for more of us to truly come together as a tribe of mothers. A transparent tribe that says this is certainly a wonderful journey, but it’s also hard. We can be grateful and love the gift of motherhood, but we can be humble enough to show others that we aren't super mom or super woman. We all have struggles, some more visible, some more hidden from the world. We will have our moments when we shine and times when our kids shine, but this isn't a reality that we can portray 100% of the time. We need to encourage our sisters in motherhood through their triumphs and their trials. Let’s give ourselves permission to take our masks off and show our moments or days of weakness. This doesn't mean we aren't strong, in fact, having the courage to do this requires strength far greater than we often realize.
I want other mothers to look at me and see that I love our children and I am doing the best I can. I will mess up just as much, if not more than our children. I pray God will continue to mold me and my family on this journey. And my vision of success is not having it all together; it’s displaying grace and humility to all those I am around. Through this, I have found a new compassion and admiration for all mothers; for all people.
This image was from the same day we had our grocery store incident. I see her and all I see is our smiling sunshine. Grace; it is something pretty amazing, even on the hardest of days.
There’s something emotional for me about seeing these five together in a frame. Family knows us in ways that some never will. My husband has seen me in some of my most ungraceful moments; moments of selfishness, moments of hurt, and moments of fear. My children have seen me in my most impatient hours; tired, worn out, and irritable. And these realities; they go both ways. It's a constant yo yo of love and forgiveness. It’s not from lack of love; but simply humanity filled with our imperfect and selfish ways.
Family can often be the people that we hurt the most; yet, at the same time we love them with the deepest and most crazy love. It’s incredible to know love like this. Pure and unconditional. I believe love and life are both made up of the imperfect. People. Memories. The mistakes and stories waiting to unfold. The struggles and successes merge together to create a life that we will one day look back on.
Many days, I hurt my family and in turn they hurt me. We are all weak and imperfect on our own. But, each new day is adorned in grace and mercy. Each new day, we have the chance to come before God and ask Him to help us be more like Him. Each trial we go through on our own, or as a family, gives us a chance to seek Him. He brings light to the dark. And because of that, I humbly thank Him for this imperfect life and for these imperfect people to love and grow with.
It is easy to give God thanks during good days and when prayers are answered “our way”; yet giving thanks during the mundane and disappointing days can be much harder. I am challenged to give thanks even when I am hurting, to give thanks when things don’t go as planned, and to give thanks through the ordinary days.I don’t ever want to take the mundane for granted, but sometimes I do. Time spent with my family, time to serve and love you all, is a blessing that I want to recognize daily. I realize that I often let disappointments and frustrations, become louder than my thankfulness. I am realizing how deeply I want a life that is not centered on me and my desires, but a life centered on God and His desires. This way of living is not always easy, but so essential as we humble ourselves before Him.
I want Thanksgiving to be a way we live within our home every day of the year. I want gratitude to overflow from our hearts always.
“In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18
There are days when I see you playing and I long for that feeling again; a feeling completely free of worry, a carefree feeling with no stress, no burdens, no pressures, a feeling of living completely in the moment. Yes, sometimes, I long for that.
Trials of life will not go away while we live here on Earth. Our lives are filled with hurts and struggles that define who we are. Disappointment happens. People let us down. We let each other down. We work hard, as we have commitments and jobs. We have responsibilities we must fulfill. We can let all of this completely encompass us or we can experience a beautiful freedom.
That freedom is one we can only know through following Christ. In Andy Stanley’s Follow study, he describes “a faith so big it overwhelms and shadows all fear.” He asked, “What would I do in light of what is going on in my life, IF I am absolutely confident God is always with me?” I couldn't help but really think about this. If I am truly following Him and know His amazing love for me; then, why don’t I live like it? Why do I let circumstances around me affect how I live? I should live daily, with the same freedom I see in my children. I should set my burdens, my weariness and my fears at His feet and trust.
My continued prayer is to not only believe this, but to live it. To let go and experience a life that is fully in Him. I am thankful that I can have this freedom through Him and that I can know this peace. There is no greater gift than His love.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
Today, you were playing with your cousin Cha Cha when Aunt BB stopped by unexpectedly. I was super excited to see her; I always love whenever we get time to visit. I noticed immediately that you began to act in an unkind way to your other cousin. In your own words, you explained that you were already playing with Cha Cha and wanted to play with her alone. You didn't want to share. I explained that this wasn't a nice behavior and I apologized to Aunt BB. I was embarrassed and disappointed that your heart was so selfish at this moment.
It didn't take long before all three of you were playing and the conflict was behind us, but I have thought about that afternoon a lot. It really bothered me that you would act so unwelcoming. I never want anyone to feel left out or hurt because of your behavior.
This weekend as I was thinking about that afternoon, I came across a post by Lisa-Jo Baker entitled How To Get Over Cliques and Get Real Community. In her article, Lisa-Jo discusses how as women we often want nothing more than to be needed and invited in by other women. She shares how we often feel left out and not a part of the inner circle.
She shared this quote from C. S. Lewis. “The quest of the Inner Ring will break your hearts unless you break it.”
Lisa-Jo continues, “But friend, just blink. Blink and see that it’s a mirage. The illusion that there’s an inner circle we've been left out of; the lie that we've been left out on purpose. We’re built for friendship, yes. We have community in our bones. And when we’re desperate and blinded by the taunting mirage of the inner circle we will end up drinking the sand- angry, gritty, bitter and confused. We can fight to find a way in or we can love on the women where we’re at. We can obsess over who didn't talk to us or we can focus on the woman we’re talking to. We can keep looking for a seat at a more popular table or we can pass the bread basket and an introduction to the women sitting right where we already are. Everyone is on the outside of something. But that is only half the story. We are all on the inside of something often without even realizing it. Do you see? Blink. Do you see them? Your people. Look around. Wipe the mirage out of your eyes. Now, who do you see?”
As I read this, I thought about you, only 5, unknowingly creating your own “inner circle” of sorts and how damaging these behaviors can be the older we become. I thought about the many times I have felt left out of one “inner circle” or another. And then I realized all the times I have unintentionally left others out as well. Who haven’t I seen?
I really want you and your sister to grow into women that can be confident right where you are. Women, not seeking the inner circle, but loving everyone around them. There wasn't anything wrong with your desire for one on one time with Cha Cha, but Christ’s desire is for us to love all of those around us, not a select few, at a select time. This is a reminder to me to open my heart to each woman God has placed in my life right now. It is a reminder to me, the next time I feel left out, to stop and see who is already sitting next to me.
A few weeks ago, I decided to order Holi powder so you could have your own color war by the lake. It was so fun to watch you together; laughing, screaming and painting one another in bright colors.
As most mothers, I am grateful when I see y'all having fun together, and most of the time you do enjoy being together. You really are each other’s best friends, but the reality of life, with multiple children, is that there is also conflict. Big Sissy and Bubby, two and a half years apart, can be very competitive. Your battles have become a valuable lesson in our home about grace.
I love these words by Bob Goff, “Grace doesn't seem fair until you need some.” Often times, you will tattle on each other, pointing out mistakes or misbehavior; almost as if you want to see your sibling get into trouble. Yet, when the situation is turned around you see how hurtful this can be. We explain that God wants us to encourage one another, not seek out each other’s faults. He is the ultimate example of grace. I want you to see how beautiful life can be when we encourage one another. I want you to know the importance of giving grace always.
This is true for both adults and children. How often do we focus on how we have been hurt or wronged? How often do we genuinely give grace and forgiveness? I know there have been times that grace was not easy to give; but I have seen how freeing it can feel to demonstrate grace and to give love, even when it is not deserved.
I cherish these moments where you are blissfully enjoying one another. On days when I find you in the midst of conflict, I am reminded of the never ending need for grace. I know that as your mother, I must demonstrate this example of grace in our home. It’s always a blessing that God will continue to work on my own behaviors, as I mother the three of you.
“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in the quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.” –Mary Jean Iron
This week I will celebrate another year of life. Birthdays have become bitter sweet for me. I am so grateful for another year of health and life, yet there is a part of me that is also a bit nostalgic.The years seem to pass with such speed. As children we tend to race from one year to the next; and then, all of the sudden, we realize the urgency to appreciate each day we are gifted.
On Sunday,we gathered with all of our family (aunts, uncles, cousins) at Mimi and Popi's house for dinner. You could say this is our “ordinary”, as Mimi and Popi host us almost every week for Family Night Dinner. I couldn't help but pause and be so grateful for this normal. Admittedly, life with 10 adults and 10 children is not always perfect. We all have our differences and there are times where grace is lost, but I see so much beauty and love in each of them. I thank God that we can experience life together. Having one another to share the celebrations, the sorrows, and the everyday is certainly a treasure.Please, normal day, "let me never pass you by in the quest for some rare and perfect tomorrow." Let me see the beauty in each moment, each day.
A needed reminder on my morning walk. No matter how dark life seems, no matter how foggy, His light is greater than it all.
"But I trust in Your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because He is good to me. Psalm 13: 5-6
A few nights ago I was with a small group of ladies discussing the question, “What is one thing that keeps you from being truly authentic with others?”
I thought for a few minutes and then I had my own question. Why do I strive to be authentic with others? Why do I crave authenticity? I really want to know the heart and soul of the people I am around. I prefer meaningful conversations over small talk always. It is so important to me to teach this quality to all of you, especially Big sissy and Baby sissy.
As our group discussed this in depth, I began to realize how many women struggle with being authentic. We often wear masks, as we try to cover hurts or struggles in our lives. Many fear judgment and keep guarded in our relationships. Decisions are sometimes made based on what others think, instead of true desires. I have noticed this struggle even in Big Sissy. I continue to tell her to be the unique person God created her to be.
Each of us struggle with something in life; motherhood, marriage, our family, our past, our health, our weight, our fears. The list goes on. We all have weaknesses that accompany our strengths. But, the more we live authentically, the more it will inspire others to do the same. This kind of living takes courage, but I believe that the more people see us with our flaws, our imperfect, our real; the more beautiful we become.
"We're not here to be perfect. We are here to be real – to let Christ be real in us." –Ann Voskamp
I love that we are surrounded by family. I love that you can walk to see your cousins, your aunts and uncles and your grandparents. After living away for so many years, I will never take this for granted. I hope you all don't either.
You and your baby doll both got new dresses for your birthday. It was reason to twirl.
You will turn five on Thursday. Every year as your birthday nears, I think back on those early days when you arrived almost 8 weeks early. Those days were filled with moments of darkness for me. With questions of uncertainty. With fear. With my own extreme sickness. Often times, I still get very emotional when I think of this time. There was a hope and light ever present amidst all of the darkness. God gave us every thing we needed. Now, every time I see you, I am reminded fully of the light I needed in those dark hours. I am reminded that our plans may not be His, but how His are so much greater. Sometimes it takes days, months, even years to see it, but it is always true.