almost six

On Friday our baby girl turns 6. I came across these words I wrote last year at this same time:

“Every year as her birthday nears, I think back on those early days when she arrived almost 8 weeks early. Those days were filled with moments of darkness for me. With questions of uncertainty. With fear. With my own extreme sickness. Often times, I still get very emotional when I think of this time. There was a hope and light ever present amidst all of the darkness. God gave us every thing we needed. Now, every time I see this preemie of ours I am reminded fully of the light I needed in those dark hours. I am reminded that our plans may not be His, but how His are so much greater. Sometimes it takes days, months, even years to see it, but it is always true.”

Now, pregnant with our 4th child, my mind often fills with fears of what may come in the months ahead. I often worry that I will get sick again with pre-eclampsia or something different. There are days that the anxiety seems to take over; even when I know God is in control. And then, I look at our preemie and I remember we have never been forsaken.

God wants us to call on Him and seek Him. He wants us to find our rest in Him. None of us know what tomorrow holds and we cannot let worry steal today’s joys.

We celebrate our preemie’s six years of life and the strong willed, spirited, curious, loving girl she has become. She has brought us such joy during these years. I would not be who I am today without each and every experience God has brought me through. I am grateful for His provision and never ending grace.

Happy 6th birthday to our sweet girl.

“ His grace covers me. This is all I know. All I need” 
-unknown

expecting number four

I am so grateful for this group of women that encourage me to get in the frame each month with my children. I have boxes and boxes of pictures from my youth. I became a mother 11 years ago and somehow the pictures with me in them get fewer and fewer with each passing year.

Now, 39 years young and pregnant with baby number four, getting in the frame is a real struggle for me. It's hard to embrace the way our bodies change and age over the years. And then pregnancy has an added effect to all of this. It’s never easy to have our bodies change, but then having it become a focal point for many conversations makes getting in the pictures that much harder.

Yet, no matter what I feel like when I look at myself in the mirror, something happens when I am surrounded by our children. I feel a beauty, a peace and a love that nothing compares to. Each month when I look back on these moments, all I can feel is gratitude.

My eyes fill with tears as I look at this picture of our oldest daughter and our youngest daughter now growing in my stomach. What a gift motherhood has been. I have learned so much and continue to grow in ways I never imagined. I can only look at this body of mine changing and thank God daily. This baby is truly a miracle; one we prayed for many years.

Please, follow the link and see the beautiful mothers and the love that overflows from each one of them. 
http://www.whereveriamwithyou.com/

calm among chaos

No doubt, the days of motherhood can feel chaotic and messy at times. And then there are moments like this. The moments we can just be. 

This is one image of a collaborative project called Wherever I am With You, involving a group of mothers who make it a priority to get in the frame with our children each month.