Viewing entries tagged
love
You all informed me that today was National Bestfriends Day. You had fun playing with your neighborhood buddies and as always baby sister was waiting for your arrival home. Standing at the door as soon as you left saying "bubba bubba ... ee ee ee ee"
I'd say in her world, you are most certainly her best buds who she adores and looks up to so much. It's pretty neat watching you all love each other.
And do you see those blue skies? The sun returned to Florida today!
As I think back on the day you were born, it feels as real as yesterday. No one could have ever prepared me for motherhood. For the love that would engulf my life in such a powerful way.
For the past few years, I've watched you change little by little. Truthfully, I was nervous as I began to feel the shift and as you began to travel through foreign waters.
Today, I feel a peace as I see the beautiful young lady you are becoming. You are filled with grace, love and wisdom beyond your years. Your faith in Jesus continues to grow and I've seen you lean on Him for strength and understanding. I'm so thankful for you and the lessons you continue to teach me. My prayer, is to be fully present in these days with you; to guide you and love you right where you are. I realize more than ever how precious our days, talks and moments together truly are.
In those early years, it felt like we had forever together. Today, as we celebrate 13 years of you, forever doesn't seem like enough.
"God cannot give us happiness and peace apart from Himself because it is not there. There is no such thing." C. S. Lewis
You asked me if we could spend some time together. Just us. We painted. I loved these words that you chose to paint. May they be imprinted on your heart. This world offers us so many things. Grabbing our attention. Promising happiness. Peace. Fulfillment. A better life. But this world will never satisfy our souls. This world will never bring us the joy, that God can. I pray that in the years ahead. As the world tries harder and harder to make you think otherwise. You will remember these words. And remember true happiness is only found in Him. With Him. His peace, alone, will surpass all understanding. In the joyous days and the hard days. Keep seeking Him.
I love you.
We all had the post holiday blues today. We didn't really want to dive back into school work. So, we made brownies and homemade pizzas and that made everything a little better.
You all were super excited to go to Mimi and Popi's annual New Year's day Parade and Kickball game. It is always a fun way to start the new year with family and friends. Having your grandparents and cousins living so close is such a gift. I hope you never take it for granted.
Yesterday, we began taking all of our Christmas decorations down. Out of nowhere in the middle of the cleaning and packing, tears came over me.
You know, every month that passed in 2016 was bitter sweet. We would celebrate another milestone of your life. Our miracle. Our final baby that God blessed us with. And each month, it was hard for me. Because, no matter what with you, everything felt so fast. And all the emotions felt magnified a bit. It's hard to put in words, but if you've been there you know. When you've dreamed of something so long and prayed so hard and then you are living that dream.. you want to soak every breath in and then some.
Well December came and surprisingly I wasn't anxious about your first birthday. I was so in the moment of the season and grateful for everything we'd been through. The celebration of it all was so beautiful. The reminders all month of Christ and His gift to us.
And then yesterday, as I put everything away it hit me unexpectedly. The year. Your first year. It was over. And for those moments I mourned a bit. I know. I have so much to be abundantly grateful for. But I felt a bit of loss. So many firsts, milestones, beautiful moments came flashing through my memory. And for that time. I let myself grieve that yes it had passed.
But the story doesn't end there. No. There is hope and anticipation of all things new. Yes, time has a way of passing quickly. And I feel like the older each of you get, the faster the years fly by. I can grieve this, or I can keep trying to be in the moments with each of them, learning more about love and grace daily. I am certain, I will choose the later.
Today, I am giving myself grace for those moments of grief. As selfish as they felt, I needed that time.
Birthday bath. In what feels like the blink of an eye, our baby girl is one. It's so ironic how I can simultaneously feel the brevity of time; yet, can't remember life without you. So grateful for you.
When big sissy paints Christmas trees but doesn't put up the green paint.
It was inevitable. I strive to keep art supplies out. They are to be used daily not for just special occasions. And yes, this often means messes in our home, but the creativity that comes from exploring is priceless. And so it seems YOUR exploring has begun
"But first, remember, remember, remember..." -C.S. Lewis
Today is world prematurity day. Our two youngest. Both preemies. One born almost 8 weeks early and the other 5 weeks early. One stayed in the NICU, while the other went home with us within three days of being born. Both miracles.
The challenges drew me closer to God and I felt Him during those valleys in the most beautiful way. It's amazing how our pain and darkness can make our eyes so much more open to His light. How we become aware of much more.
It's almost like we live in a fog when everything seems to be easy and just right. We let the wrong things consume our minds and our time. Our hearts and lives. I am striving to remember the valleys. To hold on to that longing. To the pain and fears He overcame. That need, that only He fills.
Today, and everyday, as I look at you both and I am reminded that His plans are perfect. His story unfolds through each one of us and I feel so thankful you are a part of my story. That He has used motherhood to bring me closer to Him. To make me more alive and more in awe.
You always have a football.
You are counting the days until you can play football for a team. We've told you that you can try out in middle school. I know this feels like an eternity to you. But, I also know just how fast the time will pass.
I worry about your sensitive spirit. But I know there are times we have to let our children fly. To be brave. To try. Win or lose. And be there no matter what the outcome. It's not easy. Not for this mama.
"I was faced with a dilemma - one so many of us face quite often; I could either wrestle my life and my kids and my house and our Christmas into something fantastic; something perfect... Or I could plant myself down right in the middle of the mess and realize that the mess is actually my life, the only one I'll ever get, the one I'm in danger of missing completely, waiting around for fantastic. That Christmas I chose to be present over perfect, and that's still what I choose today"-Shauna Niequist
I was watching the sun stream through the windows this weekend while she was taking a bath. I remember last year this time. Looking out this space; which at the time was a torn apart kitchen under construction. It was the start of the holiday season. It was also the start of me going on bed rest. The start of what would eventually become pre eclampsia and another premature birth.
Those days were difficult; yet a year later I look back with such gratitude. I felt like my whole world was a mess. We couldn't cook or do laundry in our home for months. I was going to weekly doctor appointments and in and out of the hospital for observation; all of you were with us for almost every appointment. I felt like I was letting our family down. I couldn't go out and do Christmas activities. I couldn't decorate or bake or do the things I loved to do with you.
Through it all, love poured from so many. Our church provided meals for us. Mita took our laundry and lovingly cleaned our clothes. I'll never forget the day that Mimi showed up and decorated our home. Hallmark Christmas movies played a lot and we spent time as a family snuggled in bed, doing all I could to stay healthy.
We were together.
It was a time that is normally busy but became unusually slow. It was a beautiful reminder in being present and together. I pray that I can take that slow and infuse it into our Christmas each year. I don't want to try and orchestrate a pretty picture of some perfection that doesn't exist. I want to cherish these days and hold onto what this season is truly about and I don't want to miss the light that He has so graciously brought into my life.
Your training wheels are off and away you go.
You were definitely ready. It took all of about ten minutes before you had mastered balancing your bike without the training wheels. That night you even said, you were kind of disappointed because it happened so quickly. I love you sweet girl. You always shine with such spunk and joy.
You were standing in the stairwell and noticed the sequins reflecting from the sun all over the curtains. You were fascinated and loved the sparkle they created.
You have always loved anything with sparkle. You love to dress up with costumes, fancy dresses, high heels, jewelry, and head bands. You also love make up and nail polish and often asks me why I don't wear makeup or fancy jewelry. You love singing and dancing and often live in a world of imagination.
Big sissy is now in 7th grade; an age when many girls are wanting to try make up. She has no desire for make up and dress up clothes were always itchy to her. She asks me why people wear high heels and doesn't understand the purpose for them. Her fashion choices are much more simple and modest. She is devoted to soccer, dreams of playing in college and seems to enjoy most any sport she tries; while she also sings beautiful melodies and plays the guitar and ukulele.
We can't predict what baby sissy will grow up to prefer, but it's fun watching you all. It's so important to me as your mother for you each to embrace what makes YOU unique. What makes YOU feel alive. For you to understand that God created you each with your own story and beauty. That you are loved and adored in soccer cleats and shorts or a dress and heels. You are loved running hard, spinning on a dance floor, playing in dirty, singing melodies, or quietly reading a book. That clothing, haircuts, sports, hobbies, and careers do not define us.
I want you to be your own definition of strong. Your own definition of beautiful.
I pray that you will know your true identity is in Christ alone. And that your strength comes from Him. You don't need the world's affirmation or definition of success. What you need is the light of Christ shining through you always.
Seek Him first and be the unique individual He created. Above all, I hope you never forget, no matter what, you are so loved.
I was listening to a talk radio show today with Chris Brooks with guest Ann Voskamp. A mom called in and spoke of her anxiety and depression. Her feelings of failure, especially as a mother.
I couldn't help but think of how many other mothers are out there feeling some or all of these same feelings. Mothers that are silent but feeling so much pain. So much brokenness. So often when we are feeling broken we go inward. We don't share. We keep things to ourselves. We retreat. But if we can find one other person who relates and understands what we are feeling. There can be "healing, shalom, and abundance" Ann's thoughts on this were so profound.
She said, "when two people are really vulnerable about their brokenness and take off their masks, then we unmask Christ and all the power of Christ. ".
I just wanted to share this here. Because none of us are alone. At some point in our lives we will all face brokenness . If we can really embrace the beauty that can come out of it and realize that we aren't alone. And that we can bless others so much by opening ourselves. I think we will all gain so much. We will all feel a great freedom.
Today, our oldest daughter took part in our regional ODP ( Olympic Development Program) training for soccer. We made the decision to go as a family . With it being almost a two hour drive, it would have been easier to have me stay behind with our baby and 6 and 9 year olds; but we decided to all go to support big sister. I'm so grateful we made this choice.
Our daughter had been nervous all week. Fearful of the unknown. On the drive there , she was especially anxious. As a family, we prayed with her. We encouraged her. She asked me to read her scripture to help calm her nerves.
She got there and she did great. She was surrounded by new people, new coaches and new expectations. It was over 90 degrees out and she didn't give up. I was so proud of the courage she showed. For relying on God to help her. To face the unknown head on. These small steps, I believe, build character for future big steps. I was so thankful her siblings were there to love her, to encourage her and to see her example.
When we got home, they asked to go down to the lake. I look at the four of them and am thankful for all that we are experiencing together. Truly, there is something wonderful to see love grow between your children. To see them raise up one another. To see them be a unit. And while, there are many moments in between that include fighting and competing, these moments remind me that love is at their core.
He is such a gift to each of our three girls. He is such a gift to all of us. I love the plan God had in our family to place him right where He did. He loves with such a tender heart and every time I see him like this, my heart is full.
There are all kinds of excuses to NOT get in the pictures with our kids, but I am trying to focus on all the WAYS I can.
The kids and I were sitting on the bed in awe of her precious giggles. Our 6 year old was filming it all with the iPhone and I quickly handed my camera to our 9 year old son. This has become my way of getting "in the frame". I've taught him and our oldest daughter a bit about focus and composition. I set the camera settings (since I always shoot in manual) and I give the camera to them.
Kids LOVE to be involved and they love to learn. They love seeing they can create art too. They have even started to come up with their own ideas on composition. It's been so fun to watch them grow more able and confident behind the camera.
I am grateful, as always, to the group of ladies behind this project. They are always inspiring me and encouraging me to keep documenting that "I was there too."
Something special is starting between them. I continue to learn so much mothering our four children. Being from a big family myself, I had no idea all my mom did to make us all feel loved. And sometimes no matter her efforts, I selfishly wanted more. Oh, the grace I know now. Had I only known it then. So many nights, I sit in silence feeling like I wasn't enough to them. Feeling like I've somehow not given one of them enough of me. God reminds me that He will fill any gap I can't . I wasn't made to do this on my own. I was made to love and that is all they need. He will give them the rest.
