thirteen

As I think back on the day you were born, it feels as real as yesterday. No one could have ever prepared me for motherhood. For the love that would engulf my life in such a powerful way. 
For the past few years, I've watched you change little by little. Truthfully, I was nervous as I began to feel the shift and as you began to travel through foreign waters. 

Today, I feel a peace as I see the beautiful young lady you are becoming. You are filled with grace, love and wisdom beyond your years. Your faith in Jesus continues to grow and I've seen you lean on Him for strength and understanding. I'm so thankful for you and the lessons you continue to teach me. My prayer, is to be fully present in these days with you; to guide you and love you right where you are. I realize more than ever how precious our days, talks and moments together truly are. 

In those early years, it felt like we had forever together. Today, as we celebrate 13 years of you, forever doesn't seem like enough.

trust

At 11 years old, she is wise and mature beyond her years; yet she is in no rush to grow up. I love the conversations we have as she is getting older. Last night, she came to my bed, where I was still awake tossing and turning. It was one of those nights that I had let worry get the best of me.

This has been a struggle for me most of my life. Worrying about the "what ifs" , that most often never present themselves. Worrying about the "hows" and "whens" of life. Not fully trusting in God and His plan; trying to find a way to control things myself. I know His truths and His love, but so often I give in to my own fears and anxiety.

My husband and I are open to our children about the weaknesses we struggle with. We want our children to see that God can overcome all. Last night, as we lay in bed, I shared with her all that was on my heart. I told her how I was praying for peace and that I wished I didn't worry; especially about some things that seem so silly. She held my hand and then shared with me the most beautiful words. There was a peace that came over me and I knew that God had used her to speak to me in that moment.

Today, I read these words from Francis Chan. "Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives."

If you are someone that also struggles with worrying and fear, my prayer is that we will all remember our God is big enough for any worry we have. For any trial we will face. But, more than that, let's not forget that He loves us just the way we are. He created us, so who better to understand all that we are facing than Him? In all openness and transparency, this is easier said than done for me at times. My prayer, is to believe it and live it.

the gift of motherhood

I remember when she was only a couple years old. I couldn't imagine having a tween. There was a part of me that mourned each birthday; scared that the best years were behind us.

Now, she's 11 and I have loved every age and stage so much. Yes, I still wish time would slow down but I'm enjoying each year in new ways. I love the long talks we have, the deep conversations we share and watching her bloom wings. It's really beautiful seeing the girl she is becoming.

Mamas with young ones; don't get discouraged or sad as the years pass because the years ahead hold so much beauty as well. Motherhood is truly a gift that keeps giving with every passing year.

a simple portrait

expecting number four

I am so grateful for this group of women that encourage me to get in the frame each month with my children. I have boxes and boxes of pictures from my youth. I became a mother 11 years ago and somehow the pictures with me in them get fewer and fewer with each passing year.

Now, 39 years young and pregnant with baby number four, getting in the frame is a real struggle for me. It's hard to embrace the way our bodies change and age over the years. And then pregnancy has an added effect to all of this. It’s never easy to have our bodies change, but then having it become a focal point for many conversations makes getting in the pictures that much harder.

Yet, no matter what I feel like when I look at myself in the mirror, something happens when I am surrounded by our children. I feel a beauty, a peace and a love that nothing compares to. Each month when I look back on these moments, all I can feel is gratitude.

My eyes fill with tears as I look at this picture of our oldest daughter and our youngest daughter now growing in my stomach. What a gift motherhood has been. I have learned so much and continue to grow in ways I never imagined. I can only look at this body of mine changing and thank God daily. This baby is truly a miracle; one we prayed for many years.

Please, follow the link and see the beautiful mothers and the love that overflows from each one of them. 
http://www.whereveriamwithyou.com/

exploring