Whenever we go to the pool you ask to swim through my legs. You call out for me to watch you do your underwater flip. You yell mama watch me as you jump from the edge.
Many times my eyes are on baby sister and I can't give you my full attention and then many times I've given you an ungraceful and selfish answer. Today, I want to say I am sorry.
There have been moments that it feels like you've asked me to watch the same thing a million times. Moments, when I just wanted to sit by the pool side in quiet, lost in my own thoughts. It's quite embarrassing to say this out loud. To admit my own selfish desires and shortcomings. But I have to be honest. I always want to be honest with you children. I am far from perfect.
The other day I read an article and it reminded me that you won't always be asking for my approval. For my attention. For my praise. It reminded me that there will come a day you won't need me anymore. Not in the same ways you do now. That I won't be such a huge part of your world. I know it. Things will change. No matter what I do or don't do, this is part of the growing process. The words from the article keep going through my mind. They challenge me daily to live fully in these moments because I know one day, it will all be so different. I will long for questions and noise and to be needed. I will long to be right here.
Today, I want to remind you how much I love you. How much I love being your mama. There will be days that I feel depleted and will need your grace and unyielding love; yet, my prayer is that most days I make it known that I hear you and see you and love you . That I'm so proud of you. And I hope you always know what a gift motherhood truly is for me.