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soaking it in

Some days I just stop and stare at her. And I wonder how we both got here. She will be 11 in less than a month. I will be 40 in less than a year. I remember when my dad turned 40. I can still see the black balloons and the “lordy, lordy, look who’s forty” decorations. Most days, I still feel like I should still be in college; yet, the reality is that my own children are now closer to college age than myself.

We pour our hearts and our souls into our children; abundantly loving and teaching them. Sometime during all those years, our own youth starts to fade as we watch our children from the sidelines; cheering them every step of the way. There is definitely not one defining moment, but something so gradual that takes place. Sure, we sort of notice it on birthdays, but each birthday somehow turns into two decades of life quicker than we ever imagined.

I wouldn't trade one moment or year of this bittersweet circle of life. These years of motherhood have been filled with lessons I needed to learn; lessons that will be etched in my heart forever. I have experienced true joys and sorrows and realized the meaning of selfless love. I changed.. my heart changed.

Yes, somewhere along the way, I grew up, while watching them begin to grow. It’s a blessing unlike any I have ever known and it is why some days I just stop and stare. I nostalgically wish these days didn’t have to end, yet I know the reality is quite the opposite. It is the reality that brings tears to my eyes and a big lump in my throat. It is the reality that knocks me in the face every birthday we celebrate, with every year that flies quicker than the one before.

I know that these moments are fleeting and I want to just soak them in, however I can.