hello, summer break

It is hard to believe her elementary years have come to a close. As I look back on these years, I am so grateful for all of the time we have spent together. Four years ago, we decided to homeschool; making the decision to take it a year at a time. I was scared to head out on this new journey alone, but I clearly see that I have never been alone. God has provided every single step of the way.  

There are definitely days when I question myself. Days that are challenging and exhausting.  Yet, I truly believe that some of the most rewarding things  in life take hard work, perseverance, and complete surrender to God. 

As parents we all must make choices for our children and no choice will ever be completely perfect. There are things we sacrifice no matter what direction we chose.  Each family and each child is so unique. For us, this lifestyle decision has been such a blessing.  

There are new adventures ahead as we will have a 6th grader, 3rd grader, and Kindergartner in the Fall.   I feel blessed to have these days with our children, watching their hearts as well as their academics grow.  We will continue to take one year at time, seeking His plan for us always.  Today, I rejoice in another year of schooling together and look forward to the summer months ahead. 

amazing grace

We were walking through the grocery store last week when I told our youngest daughter that she could pick a toy for a treat that she had earned. She picked a Barbie. A few aisles later, she changed her mind; which is pretty common. She began crying and saying she wanted something different. I told her we would not be going back to that aisle until we finished shopping. Her tears escalated. Her voice became loud. Her feet began kicking in the cart. I pulled over, to have as much privacy as I could find at the grocery story, to discipline her. I explained that she would no longer get anything, because of her behavior. She now escalated into a full tantrum. Yes, at 5, our daughter was screaming throughout the grocery store, in true spoiled fashion. Her brother and sister were mortified. On this particular occasion, I couldn't leave our groceries and go home. I had to finish shopping. We proceeded to the checkout line and her screaming continued. 

I stood there in complete embarrassment as the cashiers all around us tried to make her feel better, all the while, she continued with her fit. We finally got home and dealt with the issue and we then moved forward; yet, that day still feels fresh in my mind. 

As mothers, as parents, we never really have it all together. Our kids certainly don’t have it together at all times. Motherhood is a constant journey of humility and grace. There are times I still strive for some unrealistic appearance. And there are days that I somehow manage to wear that mask well. Sadly, I think we all fall into this performance at some point. 

I would love for more of us to truly come together as a tribe of mothers. A transparent tribe that says this is certainly a wonderful journey, but it’s also hard. We can be grateful and love the gift of motherhood, but we can be humble enough to show others that we aren't super mom or super woman. We all have struggles, some more visible, some more hidden from the world. We will have our moments when we shine and times when our kids shine, but this isn't a reality that we can portray 100% of the time. We need to encourage our sisters in motherhood through their triumphs and their trials. Let’s give ourselves permission to take our masks off and show our moments or days of weakness. This doesn't mean we aren't strong, in fact, having the courage to do this requires strength far greater than we often realize.

I want other mothers to look at me and see that I love our children and I am doing the best I can. I will mess up just as much, if not more than our children. I pray God will continue to mold me and my family on this journey. And my vision of success is not having it all together; it’s displaying grace and humility to all those I am around. Through this, I have found a new compassion and admiration for all mothers; for all people. 

This image was from the same day we had our grocery store incident. I see her and all I see is our smiling sunshine. Grace; it is something pretty amazing, even on the hardest of days.

We were walking through the grocery store last week when I told our youngest daughter that she could pick a toy for a treat that she had earned. She picked a Barbie. A few aisles later, she changed her mind; which is pretty common. She began crying and saying she wanted something different. I told her we would not be going back to that aisle until we finished shopping. Her tears escalated. Her voice became loud. Her feet began kicking in the cart. I pulled over, to have as much privacy as I could find at the grocery story, to discipline her. I explained that she would no longer get anything, because of her behavior. She now escalated into a full tantrum. Yes, at 5, our daughter was screaming throughout the grocery store, in true spoiled fashion. Her brother and sister were mortified. On this particular occasion, I couldn't leave our groceries and go home. I had to finish shopping. We proceeded to the checkout line and her screaming continued. 

I stood there in complete embarrassment as the cashiers all around us tried to make her feel better, all the while, she continued with her fit. We finally got home and dealt with the issue and we then moved forward; yet, that day still feels fresh in my mind. 

As mothers, as parents, we never really have it all together. Our kids certainly don’t have it together at all times. Motherhood is a constant journey of humility and grace. There are times I still strive for some unrealistic appearance. And there are days that I somehow manage to wear that mask well. Sadly, I think we all fall into this performance at some point. 

I would love for more of us to truly come together as a tribe of mothers. A transparent tribe that says this is certainly a wonderful journey, but it’s also hard. We can be grateful and love the gift of motherhood, but we can be humble enough to show others that we aren't super mom or super woman. We all have struggles, some more visible, some more hidden from the world. We will have our moments when we shine and times when our kids shine, but this isn't a reality that we can portray 100% of the time. We need to encourage our sisters in motherhood through their triumphs and their trials. Let’s give ourselves permission to take our masks off and show our moments or days of weakness. This doesn't mean we aren't strong, in fact, having the courage to do this requires strength far greater than we often realize.

I want other mothers to look at me and see that I love our children and I am doing the best I can. I will mess up just as much, if not more than our children. I pray God will continue to mold me and my family on this journey. And my vision of success is not having it all together; it’s displaying grace and humility to all those I am around. Through this, I have found a new compassion and admiration for all mothers; for all people. 

This image was from the same day we had our grocery store incident. I see her and all I see is our smiling sunshine. Grace; it is something pretty amazing, even on the hardest of days.

Easter eggs

I love Easter. Not because of the eggs or hunts or family gatherings. I love Easter because of the Cross. I love this time of the year because it really makes me pause and reflect on what Christ did for each of us. I love the reminder of His amazing, sacrificial love for us.

Ann Voskamp sums up so much in these words,

"And this week, Jesus looks you right in the eye, and He takes that yoke off your back, He takes that weight off your mind, He takes that heaviness off your heart -- and He carries it because He wants to carry you.... to carry you right through.
He looks you right in the eye & says, "I did it for love..." (Jn3:16)
He takes your hand & takes that crown of thorns & says, "I did it because I had to take you..." (Jn14:3) 
He takes that Cross you've been carrying & He lets you walk weightless -- *grace is weightless* -- and He says, "I did it because I desperately wanted you..." (Ro.5:8)
Who in this world has ever wanted us like He has?"

He is waiting for each of us. Today. And every single day. He pursues us like no other. It all comes back to one thing. LOVE. That weightless walk. That grace. We don't have to travel the roads of life alone. We don't have to carry our burdens and our brokenness alone. He is waiting. He is here. He is a hope that defies all darkness.

Yes, I love Easter, because it celebrates a freedom, a grace, and a love that I know only through Him.

It is through Him that I can find joy in all circumstances. It is through Him that I can know the meaning of grace. It is through Him that I can know the depth of selfless love. It is through Him that I am renewed each day. It is only through Him that I can live. Without Him, I am broken and lost.

My prayer is that each one of you would know Him too. It's so easy to depend on our flesh, to think we can do life on our own; yet, each day I am reminded of my need for Him and His never ending grace. And I'm so grateful He never stops pursuing me.

soaking it in

Some days I just stop and stare at her. And I wonder how we both got here. She will be 11 in less than a month. I will be 40 in less than a year. I remember when my dad turned 40. I can still see the black balloons and the “lordy, lordy, look who’s forty” decorations. Most days, I still feel like I should still be in college; yet, the reality is that my own children are now closer to college age than myself.

We pour our hearts and our souls into our children; abundantly loving and teaching them. Sometime during all those years, our own youth starts to fade as we watch our children from the sidelines; cheering them every step of the way. There is definitely not one defining moment, but something so gradual that takes place. Sure, we sort of notice it on birthdays, but each birthday somehow turns into two decades of life quicker than we ever imagined.

I wouldn't trade one moment or year of this bittersweet circle of life. These years of motherhood have been filled with lessons I needed to learn; lessons that will be etched in my heart forever. I have experienced true joys and sorrows and realized the meaning of selfless love. I changed.. my heart changed.

Yes, somewhere along the way, I grew up, while watching them begin to grow. It’s a blessing unlike any I have ever known and it is why some days I just stop and stare. I nostalgically wish these days didn’t have to end, yet I know the reality is quite the opposite. It is the reality that brings tears to my eyes and a big lump in my throat. It is the reality that knocks me in the face every birthday we celebrate, with every year that flies quicker than the one before.

I know that these moments are fleeting and I want to just soak them in, however I can.

letting go of comparison

So many thoughts raced through my mind as I watched her play in the sprinkler with her little sister. She is almost 11. This time is filled with so much change and transformation; both physically and emotionally. I think back to this time in my own life. I remember how often I compared myself with others. So much of me, wants to free her from the comparison thief that steals so much joy; yet, at almost 40, comparison still creeps into my life.

Tonight, I shared a few hours with six young ladies as we studied Jennie Allen’s Restless book. We were discussing the unique gifts God gives each of us and why so many people aren't using their gifts. Many people never use their gifts or quit using them because they are so tired of comparison. We ALL must stop doing this. God gave us each our own “marked race and equipped us to run it.”

We shared our own personal stories of comparison. Each story shared was filled with such emotion as we opened up raw places in our hearts.My wish for these young women, for all women, would be to free ourselves from comparison. I believe so many of us hold back support, love, and truth, because we spend time comparing and are too focused inwardly. Instead of giving our friends, our sisters, our mothers the encouragement or affirmation they may need, we hold back because of our own feelings of inadequacy. We need to believe in the gifts we have been given and appreciate the gifts we see in others.

Each one of us can look to our left or right and see someone doing something better or different than us. At some point, I am sure we have all done this. BUT, we each need to recognize our unique gifts and find a way to use them for the glory of God.

perfectly imperfect

three words

I was in bed the other night, almost asleep, when she came into my room, her voice was full of excitement. She had been in her room reading a book called, Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing. She asked if she could read something to me.

“What words does God want you to treasure in the deepest part of you? 
“Be good”? “Do it better”? “Try harder”? Are those the words God wrote in the Bible for us, to rescue and free us? 
No. Those words only show us what we can’t do. 
The words God wants us to remember are just three small ones: “I love you!”
They are the words that stop the terrible lie that Satan whispered to Eve in the garden: “God doesn't love you!”They are the words that heal the poison in our hearts that stops us from trusting God. 
They are the words that Jesus came to tell us with his whole life. 
They are words he died to prove. 
What words will you treasure today?”

My eyes almost filled with tears as she and I discussed this beautiful message. My heart was full. I was filled with so much faith and love as I heard her say these words out loud. I want her to believe and live her life in light of these three words. I want to live my own life, holding these three words close to my heart.

He loves us. Something so simple, yet incomprehensible at times. He will show us, always, even when we least expect it.

dinner date

Tonight you went on a dinner date with just you and Daddy. You have such a beautiful bond with him. I am so grateful for all the time Daddy invests in our family. He has such a love for Jesus and he pours that into each one of you. We are blessed to have him leading our home.

create

I share these words from Emily P. Freeman, because I believe that there is at least one person that needs to hear them.

"You were born to make art. But that's not all..you were born to live art. It's time to live as though we believe we have something to offer."

We were born to create. Each of us has this desire deep within our soul. We all create differently. Our mediums vary; yet none is more beautiful than the other. Some create art in the kitchen, while others live their art on the sports field. Some create with a brush or pen, while others use their voice. The ways in which we create are endless. What makes you feel alive?

Somewhere along the way, in this media driven world, people have become paralyzed. So many are frozen; afraid to start or afraid to keep going. Self-doubt has crept in. Comparison has a sick way of killing our joy and we forget that we each have a gift to give this world. Silence the noise and remember these words.

There is a place for every one of us. Nothing or no one is off limits. Find your canvas and go create.

“Don’t wait until tomorrow. Pick yourself today. You already have everything you need. Embrace the art alive within you, and believe in the little ways God wants to release his art into the world through you.”

beautifully unique

Two sisters who are cut from the same cloth, woven together with such similar threads; yet each one beautifully unique. One is loud and one is quieter. One is a rule follower and one a rule breaker. One is reserved, while one is more outspoken. One is independent and one still seeks guidance.

Both loved abundantly and equally.

I've learned numerous lessons being their mother. One of the greatest lessons I have learned is not to compare. Honestly, this can be very hard at times. Like wanting your more reserved child, to step out and be a leader. Or asking your more boisterous child to be still and quiet. So often we have expectations of our children. Sometimes these expectations are based on what we see other children doing; how they are performing or behaving. It is so important, as parents, to remember that each child is completely unique. One may be capable and strong in areas that another may never be.

God gives us each our own individual strengths. We should each strive to learn how to utilize these gifts for His glory. I love the differences I see in each of our children. They remind me that He carefully created each of us in such a special way. It is fascinating to look at each person and see the beauty in their individuality. I want our children to know that I love each of them and that I want them to be nothing other than who they were created to be.

wings to fly

For Christmas our youngest daughter got a butterfly garden and a certificate to get live caterpillars in the mail. You can imagine her excitement when they finally arrived a few weeks ago. For days we watched them and often wondered if they were even alive. Then, all of the sudden, the transformation slowly began to take place. We watched them grow and then we watched as the chrysalides were formed. It was such an amazing sight. We waited patiently until one by one each butterfly emerged. It was truly something beautiful to see this full transformation complete. We were all fascinated; even at 39 years old, I was in awe.

Yesterday, the time came to release our 5 beauties. None of us wanted to let them go, but we knew it was time. They were ready to fly and explore the world around us.

As I thought about this experience, it made me think about my own experience as a mother to our three children. It’s can be so hard to give our children wings to fly. It’s hard to let them go; knowing they will make their own mistakes, and even get hurt. But, when we do, we give them the chance to see the world and its beauty. Likewise, the world gets the chance to see the beauty inside each of them.

We will continue to ask God to help us provide the foundation our children need to grow, but then it is our turn to trust Him and trust them to fly. I believe this is one of the greatest ways we can show them our love.

goodbye

Today, we said goodbye to our beloved dog Buster. Fifteen years of memories flood my head and heart. Each of us feels broken as a part of us is gone.

I was looking through pictures from the last month and I kept coming back to this moment. Over and over. Not because it is the best picture or memory we have of him. I stop, because this was our ordinary, our mundane, our everyday. Him, by our side. Him, as part of our world. For fifteen years, he was there.

There are parts of our life that are so normal, so every day, that we forget to even notice them. We take them for granted, almost like the breath that comes from our lungs. And then one day we wake up and something has changed. The normal; whatever it was, is different. I don’t want to notice the beauty of the everyday only when it is gone. I want to embrace it and appreciate it. I want to see it. The everyday; the habitual, the predictable, is what makes our life a complete story. Life simply isn't made up of grand picturesque moments. I want these seemingly insignificant moments to be etched so deeply in my heart and eyes that I never forget them.

I am grateful for all of the years we had with Buster. I am thankful that his life was full of joy and good health until the very end; yet, I long to have him with our family again. I wake up each day and feel such a void. There is nothing to take away this hurt, but I find peace in knowing that he is now without pain. These images will serve as an important reminder to me. A reminder to slow down, to notice and be grateful for all of the beauty God gives us in each day.

in awe

I love to watch how our kids can find wonder in such simple moments in their days. I strive to live like this. I want to stop and be in awe daily of this world we live in. Life gets busy and some days I get so focused on the moments we are living that I lose sight of God’s glory and my part in His amazing story. Yet, our lives here on earth are so short. Whether we are given 4 or 94 years to live; they are so brief, in light of eternity.

Where do we each fit into His story? What do we do with the years we have here on earth? This is something I have been thinking about a lot. I met with 5 young women last night as we wrestled through this question. Each of us has dreams and visions that God has placed on our hearts, yet many of us fear others and what they think about us. Many of us are scared of failing. We are scared to move in obedience. And we seek affirmation, approval and love from the world. It is an internal fight so many of us face. But ultimately, it is a fight to love God the most.

And then this morning, I came across these words from Jennie Allen, “Our God is worth this fight. And if there is a sober, honest bone in your body you'll admit that this is a fight! It is a full-on war to love God more than any visible thing or person on this earth, even more than ourselves."

I pray we will all keep dreaming for Him.That we will boldly and bravely follow Him. That we will seek Him and His glory and our small part in His story. I pray we live our lives with the knowledge that His love and affection are far greater than anything we can create for ourselves.

And I pray that when I come to the end of my life I can say these words: “I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do” John 17:4.

I don’t ever want to stop living in awe of Him. I don’t want to stop seeking my part in His great story.

just one person

With each New Year, we often begin to focus on how we can improve our lives. How can we be better versions of ourselves? We seek to lose weight, eat healthy, get out of debt, etc. This weekend I listened to a sermon that really got me thinking about New Year resolutions in a different way. The pastor, Andy Stanley, asked, "What breaks your heart? What needs to be done around you?" He continued; "if you really want to become a better person, do something to make the world a better place. Be a means to an end." He shared that “we tend to forget that the people we respect the most didn't devote their lives to becoming the best version of themselves. They devoted their lives to making a difference in the world . . . or in someone’s world.”

Someone.

That one word was so profound to me. Oftentimes, we feel like the problems in the world are too big for us to make a difference. We wonder how our little bit of time, effort or finances will make a difference.

But, it starts with one person.

These words gave me such encouragement. First, they reconfirmed that my role as a mother to our children does make a difference. There are days, it is easy to lose sight or downplay the importance of this role, yet as parents we can make an eternal difference in the lives of our children. Second, I was encouraged to seek the people in my daily life that are in need; people I see in my neighborhood and community. Who is in need of a smile, an open ear, a genuine heart? Each of us can make a difference and make this world a better place.

We must ask this question daily.

How can I make a difference in the life of someone?

AND

Who is that someone?

Morning Mercies

The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease.  Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.

Lamentations 3:22-23

love in a frame

There’s something emotional for me about seeing these five together in a frame. Family knows us in ways that some never will. My husband has seen me in some of my most ungraceful moments; moments of selfishness, moments of hurt, and moments of fear. My children have seen me in my most impatient hours; tired, worn out, and irritable. And these realities; they go both ways. It's a constant yo yo of love and forgiveness. It’s not from lack of love; but simply humanity filled with our imperfect and selfish ways.

Family can often be the people that we hurt the most; yet, at the same time we love them with the deepest and most crazy love. It’s incredible to know love like this. Pure and unconditional. I believe love and life are both made up of the imperfect. People. Memories. The mistakes and stories waiting to unfold. The struggles and successes merge together to create a life that we will one day look back on.

Many days, I hurt my family and in turn they hurt me. We are all weak and imperfect on our own. But, each new day is adorned in grace and mercy. Each new day, we have the chance to come before God and ask Him to help us be more like Him. Each trial we go through on our own, or as a family, gives us a chance to seek Him. He brings light to the dark. And because of that, I humbly thank Him for this imperfect life and for these imperfect people to love and grow with.

grace abounds

If I could capture the way love feels, this image would be it. Our eyes and hands connected. Her smile that forever reminds me that grace abounds. I’ve often thought how the love I feel for our children is the closest I will ever know to the love of Christ. This girl of ours is strong willed. She challenges me throughout each day. Yet, she will never push too far, she will never lose my love. I will never give up on her. We will always come right back here to this beautiful spot, where grace abounds, where love never fails.

Today, I read these words from Paul David Tripp. “He never mocks your weaknesses or throws your sin in your face. He never gets tired of you or gives up on His relationship with you. His love isn't conditional and his grace is never temporary. He doesn't ask you to earn what you can never deserve, and He never makes you feel guilty for needing His good gifts.”

I am always amazed and always humbled. This incredible overwhelming love I feel for our children; it is only a small portion of the love He has for me. It’s amazing. It really is.

christmas morning

christmas cookies

snuggles