World Prematurity Day

"But first, remember, remember, remember..." -C.S. Lewis

Today is world prematurity day. Our two youngest. Both preemies. One born almost 8 weeks early and the other 5 weeks early. One stayed in the NICU, while the other went home with us within three days of being born. Both miracles. 

The challenges drew me closer to God and I felt Him during those valleys in the most beautiful way. It's amazing how our pain and darkness can make our eyes so much more open to His light. How we become aware of much more. 

It's almost like we live in a fog when everything seems to be easy and just right. We let the wrong things consume our minds and our time. Our hearts and lives. I am striving to remember the valleys. To hold on to that longing. To the pain and fears He overcame. That need, that only He fills. 

Today, and everyday, as I look at you both and I am reminded that His plans are perfect. His story unfolds through each one of us and I feel so thankful you are a part of my story. That He has used motherhood to bring me closer to Him. To make me more alive and more in awe.

togetherness and courage in the unknown

Today, our oldest daughter took part in our regional ODP ( Olympic Development Program) training for soccer. We made the decision to go as a family . With it being almost a two hour drive, it would have been easier to have me stay behind with our baby and 6 and 9 year olds; but we decided to all go to support big sister. I'm so grateful we made this choice. 
Our daughter had been nervous all week. Fearful of the unknown. On the drive there , she was especially anxious. As a family, we prayed with her. We encouraged her. She asked me to read her scripture to help calm her nerves. 

She got there and she did great. She was surrounded by new people, new coaches and new expectations. It was over 90 degrees out and she didn't give up. I was so proud of the courage she showed. For relying on God to help her. To face the unknown head on. These small steps, I believe, build character for future big steps. I was so thankful her siblings were there to love her, to encourage her and to see her example. 

When we got home, they asked to go down to the lake. I look at the four of them and am thankful for all that we are experiencing together. Truly, there is something wonderful to see love grow between your children. To see them raise up one another. To see them be a unit. And while, there are many moments in between that include fighting and competing, these moments remind me that love is at their core.

trust

At 11 years old, she is wise and mature beyond her years; yet she is in no rush to grow up. I love the conversations we have as she is getting older. Last night, she came to my bed, where I was still awake tossing and turning. It was one of those nights that I had let worry get the best of me.

This has been a struggle for me most of my life. Worrying about the "what ifs" , that most often never present themselves. Worrying about the "hows" and "whens" of life. Not fully trusting in God and His plan; trying to find a way to control things myself. I know His truths and His love, but so often I give in to my own fears and anxiety.

My husband and I are open to our children about the weaknesses we struggle with. We want our children to see that God can overcome all. Last night, as we lay in bed, I shared with her all that was on my heart. I told her how I was praying for peace and that I wished I didn't worry; especially about some things that seem so silly. She held my hand and then shared with me the most beautiful words. There was a peace that came over me and I knew that God had used her to speak to me in that moment.

Today, I read these words from Francis Chan. "Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives."

If you are someone that also struggles with worrying and fear, my prayer is that we will all remember our God is big enough for any worry we have. For any trial we will face. But, more than that, let's not forget that He loves us just the way we are. He created us, so who better to understand all that we are facing than Him? In all openness and transparency, this is easier said than done for me at times. My prayer, is to believe it and live it.

captain

The worries of life could be infinite; our health, our finances, our family, our relationships, our future. Through the years God has definitely shown me time and time again that He is in control, that I need to let go of worry and fear and trust solely in Him and His plan.

At 39 and pregnant with number four, there is a lot on my heart and mind. During our 3rd pregnancy I got really sick and our daughter was born almost 8 weeks premature. Those frightening hours have been making their way to the forefront of my mind; yet, I keep finding His peace amidst all the fears that want to take over. Life may not always go the way we envision. It will have its detours, but if we keep our eyes on Him, He will always point us to where we need to be.

I can’t stop thinking about the lyrics to the song called Captain by Hillsong United. Typically, I only share a portion of a song that is speaking to me, but today, there wasn’t a part I felt I could NOT share. I hope these words will speak to your heart as well. No matter what uncharted waters you are going through, always know, you are not alone.

Through waters uncharted my soul will embark
I'll follow Your voice straight into the dark
And if from the course You intend
I depart
Speak to the sails of my wandering heart
Like the wind
You'll guide
Clear the skies before me
And I'll glide this open sea
Like the stars
Your Word
Will align my voyage
And remind me where I've been
And where I am going
Lost in the shallows amidst fear and fog
Your truth is the compass that points me back north
Jesus
My Captain
My soul's trusted Lord
All my allegiance is rightfully Yours